The Fall of Ukko Surma

The twins hid in the snowbank

And watched the giant pacing, 

Their hands were all a-sweating, 

And their heartbeats, they were racing.

"I've seen Angmar's Watchers, and

I've seen the Flaming Deeps," 

said Kashvi to her brother, 

"But that leg gives me the creeps, so

Watch out for Ukko Surma,

Splat, splat, splat

That foot is coming down, 

Splat, splat,

That foot is coming down,

Watch out for peg-legged Ukko

Dante said, "you duck and hide,

I'll show myself and play him, 

And when he comes to crush me, 

You slip in behind and slay him.

"Eat and drink some snacks first. 

If you got 'em, get to smokin.

I'll sing a song of fortitude and 

hold up a hope token, but

Watch out for Ukko Surma,

Splat, splat, splat

That foot is coming down, 

Splat, splat,

That foot is coming down,

Watch out for peg-legged Ukko

So Kashti struck a mighty blow

When Ukko rushed her brother, 

But then the giant's deadly foot

slammed backwards and did crush her.

A giant with an iron foot,

A minstrel with a lute

And Kashti mangled in the snow

Beneath the stomping boot

Watch out for Ukko Surma,

Splat, splat, splat

That foot is coming down, 

Splat, splat,

That foot is coming down,

Watch out for peg-legged Ukko

Two minutes before Kashti

at their birth made him big brother

and he couldn't go without her 

back home to face their mother

So Dante shredded lute so fast,

He played through blood and blister

He dove around that deadly foot 

And grabbed his flattened sister

Watch out for Ukko Surma,

Splat, splat, splat

That foot is coming down, 

Splat, splat,

That foot is coming down,

Watch out for peg-legged Ukko

The minstrel's magic surged through her, 

She opened up her eyes

"I'm not dead," she uttered,

 in complete and real surprise.

She hauled her legs beneath her 

And she willed her feet to go, 

But Ukko's iron foot again

stomped her into the snow.

Watch out for Ukko Surma,

Splat, splat, splat

That foot is coming down, 

Splat, splat,

That foot is coming down,

Watch out for peg-legged Ukko

Dante dodged another blow, 

Prayed to the gods of luck,

But saw again his sister fall

And grimaced and spat, "Fuck!"

They say that minstrels cannot dance, 

They're ever cursed to play, 

But dance he did, with Ukko 

And that iron foot that day. 

Watch out for Ukko Surma,

Splat, splat, splat

That foot is coming down, 

Splat, splat,

That foot is coming down,

Watch out for peg-legged Ukko

Dante sang of lightning,

he howled out songs of fire,

His music filled the snowy vales

And echoed in the spires

His shouts were like the thunder

A crushing wall of sound

Ukko Surma's eardrums burst, and

He toppled to the ground 

Watch out for Ukko Surma,

Splat, splat, splat

That foot is coming down, 

Splat, splat,

That foot is coming down,

Watch out for peg-legged Ukko

There's creatures in the snow hills

And tigers in the blizzards

The hot springs of cold Forochel 

Are full of hungry lizards

Be wary of the giants

with metal legs and boots

And never harm a girl whose

twin brother plays the lute

Watch out for angry minstrels,

Shred, shred, shred

That lute is going to play, 

Shred, shred

That lute is gonna play,

Watch out for angry minstrels.

-by Gwintheledh of Mirkwood